LIFE IMITATES ART

LIFE IMITATES ART
- or -
SECOND CITY SHENANIGANS

To the extent that the Chicago political morass is the cesspool from which the incoming Obama administration arose and the Illinois political circus is the flavor of the month, it would be helpful if we could learn more about that City and that State. What really constitutes Chicago Politics? What really constitutes the ‘pay-for-play’ approach to Illinois Politics?

As to Chicago Politics and its impact on the President-Elect, the mainstream press has had two years to investigate and hasn’t yet asked question number # 1. To underscore the complete lack of vetting of Obama by the mainstream media, in a conversation between Tom Brokaw and Charlie Rose on Public Television shortly after Obama’s election victory, they both indicated that they had no idea of what Obama might do as they didn’t know enough about him. Watching them, you also realized that that same lack of knowledge was not an impediment to their overblown opinion of him.

As to the Illinois ‘pay-for-play’ political supermarket, it will probably be another few months before U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald releases any more information regarding Governor Blagojevich's own version of THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

So, what are we to do? Where do we go to get our questions answered? To whom do we turn to gain enlightenment? As the only providers of wisdom in the real (?) world would seem to be the Liberal/Obama press and television networks, it just might be that our only source for context might be the world of make believe, the movie-makers of Hollywood, the titans of tinseltown.

For instance, if the movie THE GRADUATE were to be released today, on the eve of President-Elect Obama’s push for massive infrastructure expenditures, rather than in 1967 when the Baby-Boomers were more interested in massive inhalation experiments, the one iconic line from the screenplay might be changed just a bit. The advice to Dustin Hoffman’s character, young Benjamin Braddock, ”I have one word for you, plastics” , could be rewritten as “I have one word for you, asphalt”. Especially if young Benjamin lived in Illinois where, if you dig deep enough with your government-issued, TARP-funded digging implement/shovel, you just might find some very well connected asphalt providers, their commercial sticky fingers embedded in political tar babies.

In the movie SOME LIKE IT HOT, a pair of down-at-heels musicians (played by Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon) are accidental witnesses to a mob rubout in a Chicago parking garage. They flee their mob pursuers and join up (in drag) with an all-girls orchestra entraining for a gig in Florida. The movie ends when a dotty old rich guy (comedian Joe E. Brown) proposes marriage to the cross-dressing bass violin player (Jack Lemmon) forcing Lemmon’s character Daphne to reveal his charade, whipping off his wig and admitting his maleness. An iconic movie moment was born when Joe E. Brown deadpanned Billy Wilder’s (and I. A. Diamond’s) classic closing line, “Well, nobody’s perfect”.

That line might also apply to Governor Blagojevich's defiant choice for the successor to Obama’s Senate seat. As Eric Zorn wrote in his column in The Chicago Tribune the other day, Roland Burris is “.....annoying, but he's not a nitwit, a kook or a criminal.” Certainly not perfection, but who could ask for anything more?

In the satirical movie musical CHICAGO, based on the Broadway musical, an earlier play of the same name and, ultimately, the real-life adventures of two Chicago jazz age female killers, almost everyone is a sleaze. “Cell Block Tango” is a number from the show in which the “six merry murderesses of the Cook County jail” plead their innocence. “He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blame.” In the current situation, it could be rewritten as the Blago Tango, the song and dance wherein Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-Illinois) explains himself. “I had it coming. I had it coming. And I know how to play the game.”

Incidentally, up until Chicago’s tryouts, the musical had another character, The Agent, whose role was to exploit the notoriety of the six imprisoned murderesses for his own gain. This character's role was eventually cut from the show, along with his song, Ten Percent. In our rewrite, we might consider restoring that character, or giving his song to Blago with a significant increase in the percentage.

I’m still trying to decide what we can do with another number from the show, The Press Conference Rag, but Blago may have already exhausted all possibilities.

As an aside, notwithstanding the expertise of Chicago’s Democratic machine in election rigging (see Joe Kennedy), it may not be the only hotbed of Democratic sleight of hand. In their book Defining Moments in Journalism, Nancy J. Woodhull and Robert W. Snyder relate the following episode concerning a well-known Texas Democrat and his version of ‘One person – One vote’.

“On at least three separate occasions he (LBJ) told (David) Brinkley about how he committed voter fraud in Texas. When first running for the Senate, Johnson and a group of friends scoured a graveyard looking for names to add to the voting rolls. When one of the friends found a stone that was difficult to read, he wanted to skip it. According to Brinkley, Johnson responded: 'You will not skip it. He’s got as much right to vote as anybody in this cemetery.'”

With this in mind, I’m considering a rewrite of one of the classic horror films, THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, as a sort of metaphor for our election system. Perhaps we might film it in Minnesota.

THE OLDEST, ESTABLISHED, PERMANENT FLOATING CRAP GAME IN NEW YORK

NATHAN DETROIT - MEET SKY PAULSON
PAULSON - MEET DETROIT

“It’s the oldest, established, permanent floating crap game in New York.”

(GUYS & DOLLS – ‘A Musical Fable of Broadway’ - by Frank Loesser out of Damon Runyon)

GUYS & DOLLS opened on Broadway 58 years ago last month (November 24, 1950) at the 46th Street Theater in New York. The tale is built around Nathan Detroit’s famous ‘floating crap game’. There’s a lotta guys in town looking for action, including Sky Masterson, and Nathan is having problems raising the thousand bucks he needs to underwrite the game.

“If we only had a lousy little grand, we could be a millionaire!”

Nathan tries to boondoggle Sky Masterson into a sucker bet regarding the Save-A-Soul mission doll Sarah Brown, but Sky doesn’t fall for it. However, Sky does fall for the mission doll and, when Nathan’s game finally gets going, Sky finds himself throwing the dice for the ‘souls’ of all the other unholy rollers. If he can deliver these Broadway bums into Sarah Brown’s soul-saving hands, her ministry will be saved.

Recently, the show was redesigned and the updated version, revised to be more in line with current events, is now playing in our nation’s capital.

GUYS & DOLLS & FANNIE & FREDDIE

‘A Musical Fable of a Beltway Bailout’ – by the United Auto Workers out of the U.S. Congress

The revival previewed on Monday September 30, 2008 at The Theater of The Absurd (located somewhere in the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C.) and officially opened later that same week, Friday October 4, 2008. The show is still a work in process and continues to undergo revisions as it plays out its limited run.

THE CAST

NATHAN DETROIT .................................Hank Paulson
SKY MASTERSON ....................................Franklin Raines
SARAH BROWN .......................................Nancy Pelosi
ADELAIDE ................................................Maxine Waters (evenings) - Barney Frank (matinees)
HARRY THE HORSE ...............................Harry Reid
ANGIE THE OX ........................................Paul Sarbanes - Mike Oxley (alternates in role)
JOE THE PLUMBER ...............................Himself
BRANDY BOTTLE BATES ......................Ted Kennedy
BIG JULE FROM CHICAGO ..................Big Barack from Chicago
BENNY SOUTHSTREET .........................Ron Gettelfinger
SOCIETY MAX .........................................Henry Waxman
NICELY - NICELY JOHNSON ...............John McCain
RUSTY CHARLIE ....................................Chuck Schumer
JOEY BILTMORE ....................................Christopher Dodd
LT. BRANNIGAN .....................................George Bush

THE STORY

All the heavy rollers were in town, loaded with lettuce and looking for action. Harry the Horse, Big Jule from Chicago, Brandy Bottle Bates, Angie the Ox, Rusty Charlie to name a few, along with the heaviest roller of all, Sky Masterson. And, if you’re looking for action, Nathan Detroit’s floating crap game was where you found it. Nathan knew he could make a killing but he was having problems finding a secure location to house the game. The Union Garage on South Street would be best but Benny Southstreet, the guy who controlled it, wouldn’t negotiate his price. He wanted all his money up front, all of it in his fingers before he’d let anybody use the place. On top of that, the heat was on from his competition, the gang from across the aisle which considered such an enterprise not to be Kosher, as well as from the law in the person of Lt. Brannigan.

To raise the money and save the game, Nathan Detroit tries to boondoggle Masterson into a sucker bet……….but, we’ve gone over all of that already.

The preview critics were mixed in their reviews of this musical comedy in two acts, which by now was being referred to as the ‘Beltway Bailout’. More than half of them thought that the basic concept was faulty, the overall production shoddy and the investors would lose their shirts. Others agreed with the show’s concept but thought that it needed extensive rewriting and restaging and should spend more time out-of-town before being brought back in for the official opening.

A slightly altered version of the show was quickly cobbled together, some songs were added and the resulting conglomeration had its official opening on October 4, 2008, four days after the original preview. This time, a sufficient number of the critics held their noses, changed their minds and gave it a thumbs-up, enough to ensure its survival.

THE MUSICAL NUMBERS

Act I

* “Fannie Mae Ain’t Falling Down”–to the tune of London Bridge(Nancy Pelosi/Company)
* "Fugue for Tinhorns" (Chuck Schumer/Chris Dodd/Harry Reid)
* "Follow the Fold, Swallow the Gold" (Nancy Pelosi/Barney Frank/Chris Dodd)
* "The Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game" (Hank Paulson)
* "I'll Know When Sub Prime Comes Along" (Franklin Raines/Nancy Pelosi)
* "I Love You a Bushel and a Peck" (Barney Frank/The Hot Box Girls)
* "Adelaide's Lament" (Maxine Waters/Barney Frank)
* "Guys and Dolls and Fannie and Freddie" (le tout ensemble democratique)
* "If I Were a Bell" (Nancy Pelosi/Franklin Raines)
* “I've Never Been in Love Before" (Franklin Raines/Nancy Pelosi)

Act II

* "Take Back Your Tarp" (Maxine Waters and The Hot Box Girls)
* "More I Cannot Get You" (Ron Gettelfinger)
* "Crapshooters' Ballet" (The Democratic Congress)
* "Luck Be a Lady" (Franklin Raines)
* "Sue Me" (Hank Paulson)
* "Shut Up, You're Blockin' the Vote" (Chuck Schumer and the Chorus)
* "Barry’s the Man Today" (le tout ensemble democratique)
* "Finale" (Company)

Two numbers not in the original libretto were taken from other shows and added during tryouts:
From–OF THEE I SING – “Of Thee I Sing, Baby” as “FDIC Baby” – (Henry Waxman)
From–ANNIE GET YOUR GUN–“Anything you can do, I can do better”(Barack/John McCain). This number was dropped a month after the opening.

The show that evolved shifted the locale from The Great White Way to inside the beltway but retained the theme of ‘the floating crap game’. Despite their relatively tepid reviews, the critics agreed there were a few memorable moments. The best of these was Nathan Detroit’s all-night crap game in the basement of the Treasury Building, in which Franklin Raines, as Sky Masterson, demonstrates his willingness to roll the dice for the souls of all his fellow gamblers in ‘Luck Be a Lady Tonight”.

The critics also singled out Chuck Schumer’s going against type in his comic turn as Rusty Charlie, trying to avoid the cameras during the ensuing police raid.

While there are rumors that the show will close in Detroit, it struggles on, still undergoing revisions, still without a closing scene, but remains -

‘The oldest, established, permanent floating crap game in New York’

Note: Many people have played Nathan Detroit – Sam Levene in the original production in 1950, Frank Sinatra in the 1955 movie, Nathan Lane in the recent Broadway production and, at various productions in between, Walter Matthau, Alan King, Robert Guillaume and Jack Deeney, among others. (Personally, I think Deeney was the best.)

THE HISTORY LESSON

THE HISTORY LESSON

In a piece several months ago, during the more feverish segment of the 2008 Presidential campaign, I commented about Obama accusing McCain of trying to bring about the 3rd Bush term. I concluded then that I would prefer that to what Obama was promising, the 2nd Carter term. (I’ve even heard Christopher Buckley refer to it as the 1st McGovern term). Now, with McCain’s defeat, the former can’t come true and, with Obama’s announced selection of members of his administration, neither might the latter two.

The Obama assemblage of familiar names from recent history leads many to posit that he is slapping together the 3rd Clinton term. (The moment we hear that Monica Lewinsky has been named as Secretary of the Interior, we’ll know for sure.) However, Obama’s entering into an asexual ménage à trios with the Clintons in January 2009 will occur in a world vastly different from that of January 1993, when the Clintons sidled into the White House, courtesy of Ross Perot.

So, what has history to tell us about that difference and what might it whisper in our ear about Obama’s presidency?

1. CLINTON had won the White House with the support of only 43% of the voters, his victory aided in no small part by the 3rd party candidate, Ross Perot, garnering 19% of the popular vote.
OBAMA’s victory was less a blowout than many of his supporters expected, but he won convincingly, receiving 53% of the popular vote. Not exactly the mandate they were looking for, but a significantly more impressive win than Clinton’s.

2. CLINTON was handed a burgeoning economy, already on its way to record levels. After eight years, he handed off a declining economy, a recession to his successor, George W. Bush.
OBAMA will be greeted by a worldwide recession, at the root of which is the freezing up of the credit markets, caused principally by the Democratic Congress and their misuse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

3. CLINTON began his regime in a fairly peaceful world, the USSR no longer a threat. He was handed the ‘peace dividend’, the freeing up of large amounts of money which might otherwise have gone to Defense had Reagan not won the ‘cold war’. Despite a series of terrorist attacks on U.S. interests here (The World Trade Center in 1993) and abroad (Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia in 1996, the United States embassies in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi in 1998, the USS Cole in Yemen in 2000), Clinton engineered major reductions in our military strength and did little to carry the fight to the terrorists. (Aspirin factories don’t count!)
OBAMA steps right into the middle of a worldwide jihadist threat, with on-going U.S. military commitments in Iraq and Afghanistan, along with Iran as an over-hanging menace. Fortunately for Obama, there is no longer an Arab-Israeli problem as Jimmy Carter solved that, as attested to by his Nobel Peace Prize……or, did I miss something?

4. CLINTON had a less than sparkling 1st two years, taking a long time to put his team together and making several missteps before the biggest one of all, HillaryCare. It took Newt Gingrich’s ‘Contract with America’ in 1994 to regain Republican control of Congress, leading to Welfare Reform, tax reductions and the first balanced budget in decades. Lord only knows what might have happened in the Clinton years had the Democrats continued to control both the Legislative and the Executive branches.
OBAMA, in contrast, is assembling his team early and it’s not unreasonable to hope he’ll be ready to move immediately after inauguration. However, with the three tenors in the White House (Barry, Hillary and Bill) and the back-up singers in the Congress (Nancy and Harry), hope is not an easy thing to come by. Apprehension is more like it. And, while we were all alarmed about Candidate Obama’s ‘share the wealth’ philosophy, the spate of recent and impending bailouts of just about every failing enterprise Congress and the Administration could find, has already turned Washington D.C. into Moscow on the Potomac. President Obama will be hard-pressed to do worse.

So, how will Obama govern? The psychological and monetary costs of the current financial collapse will impede (if not completely negate) his ability to throw the taxpayers’ money at every social problem. His desire to move to socialization (if such a desire really exists) may not be capable of fulfillment. As to Iraq, he will inherit a winning hand from George Bush and there’s a good chance he’ll play it out. The last thing Obama could afford to do is to acquiesce to his lunatic far-left fringe, pull out of Iraq prematurely, and let history saddle him with the disastrous consequences certain to follow. And how will he handle the Clintons? Quite possibly, we’ve been given a peek at the Hussein side of the Barack Hussein Obama gene pool. Is he acting in accordance with the old Bedouin admonition about it being better to have the camel inside the tent pissing out?

“History is just one f**king thing after another.” Alan Bennett – ‘The History Boys’

JACK DEENEY
November 30, 2008

THURSDAY'S CHILD

THURSDAY’S CHILD

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny, blithe, good and gay.

I arrived on this planet on Thursday, November 3, 1932, within a few days of Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s election to the first of his unprecedented four Presidential terms. It was the depth of the Great Depression and my father struggled to pay the $10 it cost for my mother and I to spend our first seven days together in Manhattan’s Park Lane Hospital.

I celebrated my 76th birthday on the day before Barack Obama’s historic election, another unprecedented piece of Presidential history and, though it was not the depth of a depression, the market had lost over 30% of it’s value since my 75th birthday and was still sinking. I won’t even try to guess how much 10 days in a hospital would cost today.

Being born on November 3, 1932 made me Thursday’s Child, indicating that I had far to go. Now that can be interpreted in two ways, either that I was destined for greatness or, more likely, that there was significant room (if not an absolute need) for improvement. After 76 years, I can testify that it was the latter circumstance that prevailed then and still obtains.

In the same vein, October 24, 1929 (3 years and 1 week prior to my arrival) also produced a Thursday’s Child. That child was christened Black Thursday, the day when stock prices on the New York Stock Exchange fell sharply, beginning the week-long crash that gave birth to the Great Depression. Hopefully, there will be no further parallels between then and now.

There are many other miserable Thursdays, but I will not belabor the point. Obviously, there are many good Thursdays, such as the one on which Thomas Edison was born. Suffice it to say that, of the 6,722,810,033 inhabitants of this planet (yes, I counted), it is statistically sound to posit that approximately 960, 401, 433 (1/7) are Thursday’s Children, split pretty evenly between good and bad, male and female, acceptable and annoying, but very few destined for greatness.

However, there is one very special Thursday’s Child to whom the circumstance, destined for greatness, most certainly applies. She’s a bit older than I, having been born on Thursday, July 4, 1776. She’s indeed destined for greatness, already having achieved a great deal of it in the relatively short historical period of her existence. Right now, she is under attack from many quarters, within and without. The attacks from without have been there for all of her existence and, whether sneak attacks or frontal assaults, she’s been able to handle them. The only exception was Vietnam, where her internal enemies were able to force her to turn victory into defeat, leading to the slaughter of untold millions in Southeast Asia and the opening of a permanent, festering wound in her bosom. That festering wound keeps trying to heal, but the same anti-war, anti-American crowd from the 1960’s keeps picking at the scab.

So, it’s the attacks from ‘within’ that are most worrisome, whether they are the frontal assaults from the liberal/progressive factions on either of her coasts, from every level of her educational system where the concept of Akademische Freiheit is interpreted as the academic freedom to express only liberalism, from the overwhelming majority of her mainstream media and, most disturbingly, from within her own government.

The potentially mortal blow she has received from her own Congress in their criminal misuse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac has severely damaged her and, by extension, the entire globe. Their manipulation of these two pillars of her mortgage market turned home-renters into home-owners into homeless while bringing the world’s financial system to its knees. Barney Frank and his accomplices have succeeded where the 9/11 terrorists failed, they’ve crippled her economy, debased her reputation and caused her to empty her Treasury in an attempt to stop her citizens’ bleeding.

As Vladimir Ilyich Lenin put it, “The best way to destroy the capitalist system is to debauch the currency.”

Now, with the party of Barack Obama in control of all three branches of her government, you can be certain that there will be no effort made to punish those responsible for this debacle. But you will see everybody else dragged before endless committee hearings to be harangued and browbeaten by the posturing Poo Bah’s of what is jokingly referred to as her ‘The House of Representatives’. You can also look forward to her Congress spending an inordinate amount of time and effort to criminally prosecute members of the outgoing administration.

Yes, this ‘Thursday’s Child’, this blessed nation, has far to go, just to get back to where she was. She can only pray that her new President will be wise and strong and take good care of her. That her new President be more Harry Truman (another Thursday’s Child) and less Jimmy Carter. That her new President remain vigilant against the outside threats while bandaging the wounds caused by the insiders. That she can keep smiling.

For, as proclaimed Gabriel Syme (G.K.Chestertons’s “The Man Who Was Thursday”) ,

"Always be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do?"

MEMO TO SELF

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU
AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THERE?

You’ve lived through a depression, several recessions, 12 presidents (6 of whom you voted for), a world war, a ‘cold war’, several other declared and undeclared ‘hot’ wars and a ‘police action’ in which you participated. You’ve witnessed the space race, men walking on the moon, little man-made vehicles traversing the Martian landscape as well as little Japanese-made vehicles traversing the American landscape. You’ve seen the malevolent influence of the drugs and sex driven zombies of the 1960’s anti-war, America-hating left, the crowd which dragged this country through the disgraceful retreat/defeat in Vietnam, and whose influence and progeny will continue to pollute our politics for generations to come. You’ve watched the rise and fall of communism and its related collectivist ideologies all over this planet and you now sense the very real possibility of their rebirth, in the United States, of all places. You’ve no way of knowing what else may be in store, but nothing really surprises you anymore.

Now, two days after your 76th birthday, and one day after casting your vote for John McCain and watching him lose to Barack Obama, you sit there pondering the future of America under President Obama. You sit there wondering what the hell has happened over the last two years and, more importantly, what might happen in the next four. Has your country become a place where emotion has completely replaced reason, where respectful disagreement has been replaced by harangue, where all the failed collectivist ideologies of this planet’s history will find a new home?

You’ve given up analyzing this presidential campaign, trying to understand why a thoroughbred with the track record and credentials of a John McCain was unable to win the race against an untried and unproven individual with no track record and a long list of questionable relationships. You feel you know the four reasons for McCain’s loss. First, the liberal-oriented mainstream press has been telling the country for almost eight years how George W. Bush is a disaster, a stupid man, the worst president ever. The fact that he was re-elected 3+ years ago means nothing to them. Is it any surprise then, with the constant battering of the media, that Bush is held in low regard? All Obama had to do is wrap Bush around McCain’s neck, even though McCain often disagreed with Bush. Secondly, the Republicans behaved like Democrats for the past six years, helping to spend us into the deficit mess we now enjoy. Thirdly, and very importantly, about seven weeks before the election, the economy tanks as a result of the Democratic Party’s meddling in the mortgage market, using Freddie Mae and Freddie Mac to pollute the market with sub-prime mortgages. The Democrats, in effect, converted home-renters into home-owners into homeless as the mortgage market tanked and took the rest of the economy with it. The fact that it happened on George Bush’s watch, along with the fact that the Democratic controlled congress had neither the desire nor the will to address the problem at its source and endanger their presidential candidate, was a killer for McCain. Finally, and most importantly, the Democratic candidate proved to be one of the most capable and adroit politicians ever to seek the Oval Office, was able to raise and spend unheard of amounts of money and ran a masterful campaign.
However, you now hear esteemed members of the mainstream media admitting that they are hard-pressed to predict what our new President will do because they just don’t know the man, have no sense of who he really is.

Perhaps, you think, if they hadn’t spent all their time and effort pulling Obama’s bandwagon and avoiding any examination of the man, his associations, his voting record or his campaign promises, they might have attained some knowledge of the man behind the charisma. If they had replaced some of their adulation with the slightest bit of journalistic integrity and curiosity they might have achieved some sense of what they were enabling.

Perhaps, on reflection, you really can’t blame the young for voting the way they did. It is no surprise that the young are idealistic. It is also no surprise that many have been influenced by their teachers and professors and, to a large extent, by peer pressure. But, they voted honestly and in great numbers. And if, as they mature, they are able to maintain some of their idealism and factor in some degree of wisdom gained from experience, it could auger very well for our future.

Perhaps the overwhelming number of blacks voted along racial lines. That shouldn’t surprise you or distress you. If you were black, you very well may have done likewise. Human nature is an integral ingredient of the political process.

Barack Obama was not your choice but he will be your President. So, pray for him and his family, pray that the Lord give him wisdom and strength to lead us through the current financial and economic mess. Pray that he fully recognizes the need for us to be strong in the face of our enemies. Pray that he sees the wisdom (if not the necessity) of governing from the center. Pray that he adheres to his campaign promises to do just that and does not allow the far left faction of his party to drag him (and us) closer to socialism or into the self-destructive sewer of capitulation, recrimination, retaliation and vengeance.

So there, self. I hope that closes the book for you on this election. Go on with your life, fight the good fight and do whatever you can to help your party reclaim its principles, if not its very soul.

Regards,

Me

JOURNALISM, THEY USED TO CALL IT

"Better in my grandfather's day," he told me, shaking his head sadly.
"We grow progressively more Philistine," I suggested.
"It is our cheap press. The ephemeral overwhelms the permanent, the classical."
"This journalism," I agreed, "or call it rather rather this piddling quotidianism*, is the curse of our age."
"Fit only for......." He gesticulated clutchingly with his hands as though seeking the word.
"For the fire."
The old man was triumphantly emphatic with his, "No: for the sewer."

THE BOOK SHOP - ALDOUS HUXLEY
* 'daily recurrence' (I had to look it up. I thought I'd save you the trouble.)

FAREWELL ADDRESS TO THE GRADUATING JOURNALISM MAJORS - CLASS OF 2008

"CIVICS 101 - GO YE FORTH AND CHANGE THE WORLD"

Welcome to all of you, the top dozen Journalism majors of this year’s graduating class, the cream of the crop. This will be the first and only session of CIVICS 101 and will last, at most, 10 minutes. Successful completion of this session will satisfy the final requirement for your Journalism degree. Any questions?

No questions, that’s a good journalistic sign. As journalists, you must be prepared to trust your own pre-conceived notions and not stoop to being influenced by what less intelligent people might call facts. However, if there remain any areas of curiosity at the conclusion of the session, I will be glad to entertain your questions then.

Now, because you are who you are, I’ll skip over the lecture and proceed to the final examination. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t be too difficult for, as we’ve kept reminding you, you’re all superior individuals.

Open the envelope on your desk and remove the one-page test sheet inside. As you see, it consists of four questions, all of which are multiple choice. Take a minute to scan it while I read it to you, as I know you all dislike reading anything someone else has written. After which, we’ll proceed to the actual examination.

1. WHEN IS ELECTION DAY?

A. The 1st Tuesday in November.
B. The 3rd Friday in February.
C. Barack Obama’s birthday.
D. Any day you feel like voting.

2. WHO MAY VOTE?

A. Any citizen of the United States, eighteen years or older.
B. Anyone, citizen or not, regardless of age, living or dead.
C. Any resident of the United States, legal or otherwise.
D. Anyone registered by ACORN (including 'B' and 'C', above).

3. HOW SHOULD A VOTER DECIDE FOR WHOM TO VOTE?

A. Examine the issues along with the candidates’ experiences and characters.
B. Follow the advice of movie stars, rock stars and other intellectual giants.
C. Rate how the candidates speak, look and dress, not how they think and act.
D. See how much each promises to take away from someone else to give to you.

4. WHAT WOULD CAUSE RIOTS AND DISTURBANCES IN THE INNER CITIES?

A. Obama Loses.
B. Obama Wins.
C. Either of the above.
D. None of the above.

Now that we’ve reviewed the test, it’s time to grade your answers. I will assume that each of you made an emotional connection with one answer to each of the four questions. As I give you the correct answers, I want you to grade yourselves. As Journalism majors, you’ve been taught never to accept the criticism of others, so we expect you to grade your own responses.

THE ANSWER ‘A’ in each case is archaic, not at all emblematic of change. It reeks of yesterday, the old world, not the new world, not the world you want to create.

THE ANSWERS ‘B’ and ‘C’ in each case may be desirable or beneficial, but are only parts of the whole, steps in the right direction, falling short of fulfilling your progressive dreams.

THE ANSWER ‘D’ in each case is the correct answer, the progressive answer, the doorway to the new world, as I’m sure you all realized immediately.

May we have a show of hands of those who had the correct answer? All of you. I’m not surprised. As head of the Department of Journalism I’ve tried to be your guide through the intricacies of our Electoral process and I’m proud of your accomplishments.

Ooops! I see we have two people with questions. We’ll start with the young man in the second row. What’s on your mind? …….Thank you, I’ll repeat your question for the class. You want to know what the word ‘intricacies’ means. Well, that’s my fault. Perhaps I should have used a simpler expression. Think of it more as the trivial details of the process which, frankly, you needn’t worry about.

And you, young lady by the window. You also had your hand up……..I see, you want to know why Journalists have to know anything about the Electoral process. A very good question.

The answer has two aspects. In the first instance, you must exhibit at least a passing acquaintance with the process in order to feign objectivity and attract a following. However, as you progress through your career and your personal convictions become more important than the facts, this ‘objectivity’ may become at least a distraction or, more seriously, a detriment to the overall mission for which we’ve prepared you, that is, to change the world.

I see there’s another question from the same young man in the second row………”No. I’m sorry, but we don’t have enough time to explain all the words you don’t understand. Be comforted by the fact that, wherever you’re going to be working, words will not be as important as mood, your point of view, the emotion involved beneath the surface. Remember the motto of what used to be the nation’s premier newspaper, “All the news that fits us, we print.”

And, need I remind you that the old ‘report the news and keep your opinions to yourself’ school of journalism that may have been appreciated by your grandfathers is outdated. As I said before, your studies here have prepared you to change the world, not merely parrot useless facts. Truth must be dealt with. When the truth doesn’t further your personal agenda, distort it. When it threatens your agenda, destroy it.

Now go forth, you seekers of Utopia, you instruments of change, and help bring about your courageous new world. And should the God in whom you do not believe actually exist, may He have mercy on your souls!

THE 'PETER THE PLUMBER' PINCIPLE

“I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
Barack Huessin Obama

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
George Bernard Shaw

Assume that Shaw’s Peter is a plumber and Paul is a philosopher and reflect on this from the late John Gardner, LBJ’s head of HEW from 1965 to 1968.

"The society that scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."

Now, try substituting the word “taxes” for “scorns” and “politics” for “philosophy” and you might have something more appropriate to our current situation, to wit:

"The society that taxes excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in politics because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good politics. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."

The dirty little secret of the prevailing Liberal Democrat theory of spreading the wealth is that it can work only where there is unlimited wealth. For there will be, most certainly, no shortage of outstretched hands and upturned mouths on the receiving line. And as each of the SOWS (Spreaders Of Wealth) gets sucked dry of his or her available supply of spreadable wealth, when all the wealth has been spread, when the supposedly infinite store of largess has been dispensed, what then? Do we then tell all the recipients that SUCKISM has run its course and they must now become the spreaders and reverse the flow? Does the SUCKER become the SUCKEE? Who is John Galt?

As long as we’re asking questions, does the statement, “From each according to his means and to each according to his needs” mean anything to you? Does the phrase “Spreading the wealth” send a quiver up your leg or a shiver down your spine? We have seen ample proof in the last century of the efficacy of Socialism. It would seem improbable that we would need to be reminded of the Cuba of Fidel Castro, the Russia of Josef Stalin, (see also Poland, Hungary, Latvia, East Germany, etc.), the Venezuela of Hugo Chavez, and the other failed experiments in human misery.

Given these historical tragedies, when is the last time you really thought about what this country is all about, what philosophy has enabled its success, what innate sense of morality has guided its development, what inspired ideology has informed its goodness and what strength of spirit has protected it?

My advice to my fellow-citizens is simple. Be informed. Know from whence we came and how we got here. Remember that what’s best for the country is also best for you. However, also realize that what’s best for you is not always best for the country. And to my younger fellow-citizens, at least those who think, beware falling victim to the pack mentality. The pack has been known to turn on itself when other prey becomes scarce. And finally, as a wise man once said, “If you’re not a socialist by the age of 20, you have no heart. If you’re still a Socialist at age 30, you have no brain.”